


Grief

by hiyuurin253



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Grief, Past Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Tokka Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:27:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26417962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiyuurin253/pseuds/hiyuurin253
Summary: Sokka still gets nightmares. Toph never thought much about it before.(One shot for Tokka Week 2020, Day 1 Grief)
Relationships: Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	Grief

**Author's Note:**

> This is super late because I didn't see the Tokka week post on tumblr until 2 days before....*facepalm*, but here it is!

Sokka still gets nightmares. Toph never thought much about it before because the last time she slept close to him was when she was twelve and they were in the middle of a war. They all had nightmares then.  
But when they began to share a bed she noticed that there was rarely a time when Sokka could sleep the whole night through. Most nights she stayed with him, his heartbeat would wake her up, and his muttering and twisting and turning would keep her awake until he’d jump up. Most nights, he’d only sit up with a gasp, but some nights he'd jump out of bed with his sword drawn and at the ready. His heartbeat would slow, and then he’d put his sword away and get back into bed.  
Toph would always pretend to be asleep.  
They never talked about them. Why would they? She was always asleep, though they both knew better. Besides, Toph could hear him muttering to Aang or Katara, planning an attack, or trying to convince the Earth King of the war. It was always the same nightmares over and over again; poor Sokka could never escape them. But he’d always crawl back into bed and wrap his arms around Toph's “sleeping” figure and fall asleep again. Really, what was there to talk about?  
Toph spends more and more nights with Sokka, until they finally just move in together. Then, she hears them all. He fights with Azula, Combustion Man, and sometimes even Zuko. He whimpers over his mom and Hakoda, but more often over Yue. He sometimes even has nightmares over Bumi, who’s only 3 months old and hasn’t lived yet.  
Toph doesn't pretend she’s asleep anymore.  
Sometimes she can help him wake up from the worst ones that he can’t wake himself out of. Sokka will always crawl back into bed, place a kiss over her mouth and cuddle into her chest. Now, Toph pretends she doesn’t feel her sleep shirts become damp under his cheek.  
Sokka doesn’t cry, and neither does she.  
In the mornings, they go about their normal routines; their eyes stay puffy until after their morning cups of coffee and jasmine tea. Their days go about normally, and they come home to each other or together every single time. At night, they stay up until they physically can't, both dreading the battle Sokka will have to fight just to get the slightest bit of rest. They stay up talking about work, the nearest trip to the SWT and to the palace for the monthly reunion. They don't talk about the war because it haunts them at night anyways.  
Sokka falls asleep first. He always falls asleep first because he’s always exhausted. Toph holds him in her arms and traces the features of his face, and draws shapes on his forehead and cheeks.  
She thinks she knows what he looks like by now, and she blushes because she knows he’s handsome. 

The first night he has The Nightmare, is the worst it would ever be.  
Toph wakes up not too long after she finally falls asleep. Sokka’s not in her arms anymore, and his heart beat is so crazy she can feel it through the mattress, but this time, that’s not what wakes her up.  
Sokka screams her name again, and it throws her into a panic. She can’t properly feel where he is in the bed, so she grabs the metal frame and plants a foot on the ground. She takes a deep breath because she can feel him. On the far bottom corner of their bed, but he’s hanging off the side. He’s screaming her name, and she can feel the nails of one of his hands scratching at the floor, frantically.  
He screams for her to hang on, and that he’s got her, and Toph knows exactly where he’s at. Then it's like she’s suddenly there with him, and she can remember the way their air smelt that day, and the feel of his finger tips, and the sound of bending metal and clunky footsteps. She’s paralyzed for a minute, a feeling of fear she never thought she’d feel again settling in her stomach.  
Sokka’s crying, but he’s not yelling to her anymore. He’s talking to her now, promising her he won't let go, telling her that he loves her and that she’s so brave.  
When Toph can move again, she crawls over the bed to where he was, and finds his ankle. Sokka screams and flails his legs, yelling to her that they’re there for them, but he won't let go.  
“Sokka, wake up,” she says, patting his leg.  
He kicks her hands away and yells out to her to hold on just a little longer.  
And then Toph thinks that she falls from his grip because Sokka panics and starts to scream, and before Toph can pat his leg to wake him up, she hears a thud and she can’t feel Sokka’s weight on the bed. She hears him flailing on the ground, screaming and sobbing so hard he chokes.  
She hops off the bed and kneels next to him, screaming for him to wake up and shaking his shoulders--  
“Toph!” Sokka starts under her hands and then freezes.  
“Are you awake?” she whispers, almost scared to know.  
“Toph,” Sokka’s voice is slightly relieved and he pulls her into a hug; he’s sobbing all over again.  
They stay on the floor for a long time until Sokka can finally stand. Even then, his steps are heavy with exhaustion. Toph rounds the bed to her side and climbs in. Sokka lays his head on her chest and she runs her hands through his hair. It’s wet with sweat, but she never much minded sweat. She hears him sniffle and feels a damp spot growing on her chest. She’s not sure he even knows he’s crying anymore.  
“I’m sorry,” he finally says.  
“For what?” Toph asks, eyebrows coming together.  
“I couldn’t save you,”  
“But I’m right here,” she hums, pressing a kiss to the top of his head for good measure.  
“Suki saved you,” he sniffles, “I couldn’t--you were slipping and my leg was broken and I couldn't save you.”  
Toph hushes him and holds him tighter.  
“I would have jumped,” Sokka says after a while, “after you--I would have jumped after you.”  
Toph pulls him impossible closer and swings a leg around his waist, “I know.”

When Toph wakes up, Sokka is still wrapped in her legs and his breathing is unsteady.  
“Did you sleep?” she asks, detangling herself from him.  
“No,” he answers, his voice hoarse.  
“Are you okay?”  
“No,”  
“Should we talk about it?”  
“I can’t,” he says, and she feels him shift away from her.  
“Okay,”  
So Toph lays there next to him for a long time. Until it's too hot to stay in bed, she lays there. Sokka doesn’t move much. He just lays there. His shoulders shake and his breathing gets uneven and sometimes she can hear him sniffle. She’s reminded of when Suki died.  
This was the way Sokka grieved.  
He told her once, that this was how it went when his mom died. He stayed in bed all day because he couldn’t move. His body felt like jelly, his bones felt like stone, and his heart was open and empty on the floor next to him. And when Hakoda left, he could only get up for Katara’s sake because someone had to feed her and Gran Gran was too old.  
It’s late in the day when Toph can finally go back into their room. She felt like she had grieved for herself too, throughout the morning. She crawls into bed and fits her chest to his back, curling her arms and legs around him, holding him close. Sokka leans into her and she can feel his heartbeat pick up.  
“Sokka,” she whispers, “I’m here.”  
He doesn't say anything, but one of his hands finds hers and laces their fingers together.  
“I’m right here, Sokka. You saved me. I’m here for you because of you. I’m right here,” Toph is surprised to feel tears running down the side of her face, wetting the mattress underneath her. Only Sokka could do this to her.  
“You can never leave me,” Sokka says, “please, Toph, you can’t leave me--ever.”  
Toph squeezes him tighter into her, “I won't. Ever.”  
Sokka is crying again and Toph is trying to stop.  
“I couldn’t live without you,” he says.  
“I couldn’t live without you,” she repeats.  
“I love you, Toph,” Sokka says, turning in her arms.  
Toph blushes because she can feel his eyes on her face when she says, “I love you more.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Any feedback is appreciated!


End file.
